09-13-2011, 03:19 AM
I loved this piece. It is a miraculous image of moment caught up in time's chokehold. There is such brilliant imagery, all that everyone has pointed out, that just astounds the reader and still you drive home the intense emotions throughout. You have done a wonderful job taking us into your life and making us spectators if even, just for a moment.
I can see where Hesplopian would need some guidance on the sport as we are dealing with a bit of cultural divide...
but to point it out too directly might spoil the picture you've painted. Not quite sure how you could tie it in and still keep the piece you've created.
The last stanza does seem a bit superfluous to the poem overall yet I do like what it says on it's own... That is the quandary that I fall to often. IMHO, the poem is punchier w/o it....
I can see where Hesplopian would need some guidance on the sport as we are dealing with a bit of cultural divide...
but to point it out too directly might spoil the picture you've painted. Not quite sure how you could tie it in and still keep the piece you've created.The last stanza does seem a bit superfluous to the poem overall yet I do like what it says on it's own... That is the quandary that I fall to often. IMHO, the poem is punchier w/o it....
Do you realise that memories are like a bag of wooden nickels... Or a field full of men on wooden legs in a flash flood... useless ~ D.A.