09-12-2011, 07:02 PM
Very intriguing piece... it offers tantalizing glimpses of the past in an idealized way though the narrative hints say otherwise --- a dapper man in a suit, described as a self-absorbed "black dog", makes for such an interesting spectre from the narrator POV.
Regarding the fourth stanza, I think what weakens it is it's first three lines, which comes of as telly (explaining, rather than demonstrating). For me you could remove them and be left with a stronger poem. So I'd suggest removing or rephrasing it to something more engaging.
Regarding the fourth stanza, I think what weakens it is it's first three lines, which comes of as telly (explaining, rather than demonstrating). For me you could remove them and be left with a stronger poem. So I'd suggest removing or rephrasing it to something more engaging.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?