Brother

[Todd]

Hi Jill,

I'm sure I remember this one from you (maybe remembering an early revision). Here are some comments for you.

Brother

When I look at you I see him,
You possess the same build.--don't think you need you possess. You could also replace the period with a comma
A six-footer, slim,
An unapproachable Errol Flynn
with handsome face made
grim by the look in his eyes.--something more definite here (tired look, haunted look) or alternatively grim by haunted eyes...lot of options.
Always elegantly turned out,
with not a hair out of place.--cliche you could cut the line

Yes, he was a dapper man
with expensive tastes,
indulged by the sacrifices
others make.
Purchasing tea by the ounce,
poor quality meat, broken biscuits
and damaged fruit,
But, my word, he looked the business
in his bespoke suit.

When I see his shadow
appearing on your face;
when I see the black dog
seeming to win the race;
I shiver and push the image
to the back of my brain.
I tell myself, it's a trick of the light
And then I breathe again.

You and I harbour no bitterness
and feel no regret.
We survived unscathed....
Yet, I would guess
in some unreachable parts
of our two battered hearts
some tiny scars
remain.
----------------------------------------------------

I think my main comment is that S2 and S3 have good strong detail and for me the poem ends on and then I breathe again. You have some good writing here but sometimes you say the same thing in a different way and you could pare this down a bit. I'll refrain from saying more because I'm near the limit for the mild forum.

Best,

Todd