Awed by Everything

[Todd]

Hi AA,

From my experience the thing about writing poetry is we're all rookie number one in some aspect. There are so many areas to improve and than a lot of work to integrate what we've learned. I think Fry's book is really good, but the most important thing is that you want to improve (that's what gets you there eventually). These are my stages of growth for various new things I pick up:

I have no idea what I'm doing

I do some things right but I'm not sure why. I have glimpses of real cool work stuck next to crap. This is the stage of desperately needing inspiration to get any worthwhile output.

I gain a level of control over the skill.

When you get done with Fry let us know. We can probably all throw some other good resources your way.

the notes flutter,
distinct wings of stained glass--these two lines are awesome. The use of flutter and wings makes the reader think of a butterfly and the stained glass just drives it home. It's also a great image because you can envision notes floating in the air
to me, but he
grew jaded,
pawed for them,
for validation.

he played.
stumbled through mud:--I keep wanting to hyphenate the word here. It may not be the best choice but I was thinking (and it's just a thought).

he stumble-
played through mud:
greenhorn.

is that what poets think of me?

took him
for a rookie,
but when squinting . . .--maybe stay with the f sounds but faintly saw
a flutter floating,
the wings
between errors.

a stunted songster, blundered strums,--agree with the other's love this line
yet passion bubbled.
a child
awed by everything.

is that what poets think of me?

Original:

the notes flutter,
distinct wings of stained glass
to me, but he
grew jaded,
pawed for them . . .
for validation.

he played.
stumbled through
mud.
greenhorn.

I wonder if that's what poets think of me.

saw him
for a rookie,
but when squinting . . .
a flutter,
the wings

between errors.
a stunted songster, blundered strums,
yet passion bubbled.
a child
awed
by everything.

I wonder if that's what poets think of me.

It's a good rewrite. It's a good piece.

Love your enthusiasm.

Best,

Todd