cats

[heslopian]

Jack,

Some great lines here. If I could make any suggestions they would be these:

L3: I don't know if you need gaping eyes. It has a more interesting read for me without that.

L4-5: I wish you would stay more personal with the me (your specific stresses or ambitions). I find the tone shift a bit jarring as it is.

S2: Love the alliteration and sonics.

I also really like the ending. The main focus for me on revision is the L4-5 tone (could just be my ear, but there it is).

Much enjoyed.

Best,

Todd

Are you saying there's a shift in tone because the poem moves away from the narrator to encompass all man?
Thanks for your feedback Todd

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As always, I'm in awe of your delicious wording. This short piece is extremely engaging. (I've read it quite a few times now.) This is not exactly a criticism, but in the next-to-last line you mention 'indifference' AND 'fear.' I didn't understand that and I get the feeling I'm missing something.

In any case, this is damn good work and I am appreciative of your share.

Indifference on the part of the cats lingering behind and licking their mouths, fear on the part of the cat with gaping eyes. I wondered if I should have made that clearer.
Thanks for your kind words and feedback, AA