Awakening

[addy]

I second the gentlemen's suggestions, the poem could benefit from some pruning. But otherwise I think this is stunning... though i've never been good at sports I think this captures a universal feeling, that special feeling of pride, strength, clarity, and purity. It is a baptism in its own right

I was the youngest of the players,
shy, and content to give others the stage;
but in the waning days of a long summer,
as the scorching sun dropped
in the afternoon sky,
there came a moment
when I stopped, gathered,
and rose like some god,
high above the outstretched hand
of my defender,
above the asphalt
glittering with diamonds of broken glass,
and the lost dreams of the others, remove all these succeeding "and's", I think
and the sounds of traffic,
and the cloud of my father’s anger, I love that you included this line... it elevates the feeling of freedom to something deeper
and the chaos that was my life;
like a dark fish
singlemindedly tracking
a dragonfly scuttling low
over a silent pond,
breaking from the water,
surprised to find itself exposed,
to a new world,
its brilliant colors exploding in the sun,
my body playing out some inner wisdom, great line
knowing it was my time;
and there I was,
above it all, I don't think these last few lines say much of anything. From what I see they only act as a placeholder to imply the sensation pause... maybe lines about "suspension", or anything expressing that sentiment (being "out-of-time", yet at the realized pinnacle of it). Just a thought.
alone with the bent metal rim; I don't know if it's just me being crazy, but it made me think of a moment of nirvana, with the metal rim as a lotus or something. Either way it's cool
a brief moment of clarity,
the world below, distant. Don't think these last two lines are strictly necessary...they reiterate what has already been so beautifully expressed before

I released the worn ball,
and dropped back to earth,
surprised at what I had done.

The chain net jangled
as the shot found its way home,
and the sweaty, shirtless,
black kid covering me,
turned away cursing under his breath. Don't think this is the strongest ending for the piece... it's too far removed from the narrator: focusing on the black kid rather puzzlingly gives weight to another player when in fact our interest should lie with the narrator and his profound experience. Add something else to refocus the POV, perhaps?

(revision 1 - having pared down the original)

Thanks for sharing this