09-06-2011, 09:18 AM
Given everyone's advice I've tried another re-write. I tried to pay more attention to the meter, but when I hear it in my head, it should start like: (DAUGHter of lust, CLAIMing me now) I'm sure that's wrong somehow, but I don't quite understand the different types of poems well. 
When reading other poetry, how does one recognize the meter and type (unless its the oddball terza rima or something) without knowing the author's intent? Anyway, this is what I came up with.
Daughter of lust,
claiming me now,
visions draped in misery.
Pressing me down,
soon I will fall,
'neath the pain she gives to me.
Ache for her touch,
worship the taste,
once more I long to hold her in.
Drifting in spirals
skyward so bravely,
too soon, she's gone from me again.
When reading other poetry, how does one recognize the meter and type (unless its the oddball terza rima or something) without knowing the author's intent? Anyway, this is what I came up with.
Daughter of lust,
claiming me now,
visions draped in misery.
Pressing me down,
soon I will fall,
'neath the pain she gives to me.
Ache for her touch,
worship the taste,
once more I long to hold her in.
Drifting in spirals
skyward so bravely,
too soon, she's gone from me again.