Dark Obsession

[billy]

Now a question: When browsing the forums, I kept running into suggestions that included syllable counting in reference to meter. In this piece I arbitrarily chose to use two, four syllable lines in conjunction with one eight syllable line. How hard are you laughing right now? I just wanted some structure (I am a songwriter if that explains anything) and don't know much about that sort of thing. Some of the comments would have me break that rhythm. Is that for the best?

Thanks for all the suggestions. I will try an edit soon and re-post.

sometimes we may say would such work better than such, using it may screw up the meter a bit. you're choice as the author if you like the advice;
is to try and make it fit your scheme. often if we take a piece of advice and use it, it causes problems in the next line, just do a work around to get the scheme back. if you decide you can't make it work and feel the advice can't be used, thats good as well. it isn't all about using the feedback you get. it's ALL ABOUT WEIGHING UP THE FEEDBACK and doing with it what you think is best. bear in mind that if 4 or 5 people people make a point as to how something doesn't work for them, then the odds are it needs a good looking at

your song writing talent shines through many of the pieces you've done.
just remember that a lot more cliché tends be be accepted in lyrics than the poetry

all the above is jmo