Dark Obsession

[heslopian]

Dark obsession
claiming my all,
cover my eyes with misery. There's an odd change of tenses between "claiming" and "cover". Would this verse work better like so?:

Dark obsession claim my all,
cover my eyes with misery.

Pressing me down,
soon I will fall,
'neath all the pain it gives to me. This is my favourite verse. It creates a nicely physical impression of being crushed, or maybe pushed towards a pit, by obsession. I think you should expand on this.

Her name I scream,
the touch I crave, Would "her touch" be more atmospheric?
once more I long to hold it in. Nice. Again the impression given is nicely physical.

Spirals floating,
upward bravely, I like the idea of the spirals, but the syntax here seems slightly odd. How about: "Spirals bravely float upwards"?
so soon, she's gone from me again. I like this line, falling where it does. It's an elegant and smoothly flowing closer. Not unique, but calm and final.

take it easy on a newbie, huh? ;-)

Thanks for the read With a few edits this could be a very good poem.