08-31-2011, 11:45 AM
Billy,
IMHO some of your poetry is like passing a serious car wreck...before you jump on me for indiscriminately tossing out an insulting barb, let me qualify by adding: It's the kind that shocks at first glance and although I initially tell myself to turn away, I keep watching while slowly driving by--even going back for another look, just to make sure I didn't miss an important bloody detail. I have never been one to use "fucking" adjectives quite so freely and that is probably the one thing that most often caused me to miss a lot of otherwise decent poetry. My own mom would have been shocked beyond belief. I prefer to use euphemisms in my own writing but that is just me (not that I haven't cussed with the best of them, I just do not do it in mixed company). Having said all that. I was really struck by the power in this piece. Harsh words notwithstanding, I was riveted. I agree with all the suggestions made by Todd except for the earwig parts--I think they are very well done as written because the second mention simply emphasizes that part of the entire horrible experience you have described.
Thank you for posting,
...oh, and...I really cannot think of a better adjective for fucking in this case, as the entire piece is based on a sort of shock and awe delivery.
Sid
IMHO some of your poetry is like passing a serious car wreck...before you jump on me for indiscriminately tossing out an insulting barb, let me qualify by adding: It's the kind that shocks at first glance and although I initially tell myself to turn away, I keep watching while slowly driving by--even going back for another look, just to make sure I didn't miss an important bloody detail. I have never been one to use "fucking" adjectives quite so freely and that is probably the one thing that most often caused me to miss a lot of otherwise decent poetry. My own mom would have been shocked beyond belief. I prefer to use euphemisms in my own writing but that is just me (not that I haven't cussed with the best of them, I just do not do it in mixed company). Having said all that. I was really struck by the power in this piece. Harsh words notwithstanding, I was riveted. I agree with all the suggestions made by Todd except for the earwig parts--I think they are very well done as written because the second mention simply emphasizes that part of the entire horrible experience you have described.
Thank you for posting,
...oh, and...I really cannot think of a better adjective for fucking in this case, as the entire piece is based on a sort of shock and awe delivery.
Sid