Lynda

[billy]

for my mother

One day I may return to the place I first remember knowing you, is 'one day' needed?
near as it is to my current dwelling. for me this line feels unnecessary
Just to stare at the door and wonder if the fireplace still works, i love this line and the image
if the spare bedroom now has one bed,
not the bunk and single it did when we were a Young Family. is the surname of the family Young? if not it should be young

The memories I have are like a blooper reel of pain, blooper reel for me feels awkward, would something like "slapstick reel" or something else?
in which the actors don't fumble and laugh,
but scowl at each other's mistakes.
Hatred filling the silence between lines.
You, mum, hissing at me from your nest on the floor, great image
holding a textbook I failed to learn,
while dad watched like a sad servant,
a disembodied face hovering over your shoulder.
The ghost and the insect, glimpsed through the doorway,
as I retreated to the room I shared with my older brothers.

There have been times when I've wished I could return to that place,
that time frozen like a lost mountaineer,
and murder you all with four bullets. a good line, i keep asking myself, why 4 bullets.
Avenging babe among the wreckage.this line doesn't seem clear to me.
But I look at you now as you rot among
your faded chairs, stained nick-nakcs, (it's either knick-knack or nick-nacks, with or without the hyphen) a powerful line
Betty Boop more rough edged than a car mechanic,
and love blossoms from the soil of hate, would 'or' work better than and?
the stinking carcass you've become.

a fairly powerful poem jack with good narrative. just the few nits which i don't see as anything major. i enjoyed the read and the hardness of it.

thanks for the read