Methuselah:
#3
(08-26-2011, 04:42 PM)billy Wrote:  Full of hollow halls and broken windows, Should there be an introductory line before this one? Or perhaps take out 'Full of'?
an empty convict, a worn out cell;
age counted on brick and bar. I like this line. It sets up the remainder of the poem.
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A psychology degree
makes understanding understood.
It doesn't stop time You need punctuation after this line. Good tie-in to the following strophe.
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The mind clock tick tocks
erases the sweet things I am really enjoying this strophe.
the humble kick-starts.
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I forgot who they were.
Who the why of me exists; Should this read 'Why the who of me exists'?
I don't remember how to cry.
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PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Messages In This Thread
Methuselah: - by billy - 08-26-2011, 04:42 PM
RE: Methuselah: - by Aish - 08-30-2011, 02:26 AM
RE: Methuselah: - by Aish - 08-30-2011, 02:34 PM
RE: Methuselah: - by billy - 08-31-2011, 11:08 AM
RE: Methuselah: - by Aish - 09-13-2011, 02:10 PM
RE: Methuselah: - by Wildcard - 09-13-2011, 10:46 PM
RE: Methuselah: - by heslopian - 09-14-2011, 04:51 AM
RE: Methuselah: - by peter6 - 09-14-2011, 04:59 AM
RE: Methuselah: - by billy - 09-14-2011, 05:43 AM



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