08-30-2011, 07:56 AM
in fact asking is maddatory (play on words, did anyone notice it?) if you want to improve.
i only just learned how to do iambic pentameter from leanne. something i thought i already
knew. so please ask and ask and ask, and if something still eluding you, ask again.
i saw you leaving feedback in the novice section. keep doing it. and it will help with your own poetry as well.
i think you'll find many poets are at a similar place to where you say you are as well.
now to your poem.
one of the thins i noticed was packing, (words that don't add to the poem)
Did you wash the hands,
of the fingers you pointed.
angry demands will not get
you what you wanted.
Did you wash the hands,
of the fingers you pointed.
you and your angry demands
will not get you what you wanted.
in a poem of this sort it often helps to keep it sharp, tight compact etc.
the opening two lines are my favourite because they set up the poem really well.
and they have a bit of attitude.
you'll be surprised at how you improved, 5 or 6 months from now
i only just learned how to do iambic pentameter from leanne. something i thought i already
knew. so please ask and ask and ask, and if something still eluding you, ask again.
i saw you leaving feedback in the novice section. keep doing it. and it will help with your own poetry as well.
i think you'll find many poets are at a similar place to where you say you are as well.
now to your poem.
one of the thins i noticed was packing, (words that don't add to the poem)
Did you wash the hands,
of the fingers you pointed.
angry demands will not get
you what you wanted.
Did you wash the hands,
of the fingers you pointed.
you and your angry demands
will not get you what you wanted.
in a poem of this sort it often helps to keep it sharp, tight compact etc.
the opening two lines are my favourite because they set up the poem really well.
and they have a bit of attitude.
you'll be surprised at how you improved, 5 or 6 months from now