Wildflowers line up in the meadow: (content)

[Todd]

I love this one Billy. Here are some comments for you:

They're supposed to dance
not line up like corn stems.--like this a lot. Should this be stalks instead of stems
The fuckers just stand there
swaying; swayee things--I have mixed feelings about swayee it works with the tone and it's okay. I keep wanting a substitute though (could just be me)
that fucking sway while standing--again love the tone of this all

Wild flower meadows and shags
i picked her a purpley one--like these lines. I'm not a fan of lowercase i's.
to match her nipples--unexpected line but good
big cunts they were, and purple--like the break. The comparison is believable with wild flowers
her nipples on the other hand
were purple, and small, and very pretty

Wild flower meadows remind me
of poetry and a little girls dead body--apostrophe for girl's. This is where the poem takes off for me. Again this has elements that just jump out at you (a lot of surprising things in the piece)
i once did a poem about. She stunk--Again great break. I don't need to say anymore on the i (only that you use capitals also so it makes the reader think why)
like a dead cat that was dead for days.[/b]--can you smooth this out without the double use of dead?[/b]
I found her. At first i thought
she was playing, till i saw an earwig--nice level of disgust and I like the thought that she was playing because it's too terrible to think of her being dead.
crawl out from between her purple lips.--and purple forms the link between life and death (very nice) I probably would leave the link though for the next strophe and stop this strophe on "she was playing, til I saw an earwig"

Wild flower meadow; where
i threw me mums ashes. She told me--mum's. Good line
to put 'em in the bin, but it was full
so i took em down the field,
the flowery field with a purple girl--love, love, love this. I like that we now understand where the associatioin with death comes from.
and 'orrible earwigs, crawling
out of purple lips.--This just seem much more powerful if this is the first instance of the crawling out of the lips (oh and I like 'orrible).

Really cool poem Billy.

Best,

Todd