08-25-2011, 12:03 AM
I loved everything except the last sentenc:
"Demonic gingerbread
will bake in greedy
ovens."
This sounds a bit too cute to me and takes the edge off what is otherwise an intense poem.
"Lives disappear" was excellent in its concise and sinister effect, while this part:
"Triumphant
vandals
ransack and burn the soul of God."
while I think you don't need the adjective "triumphant", is beautifully angry and transgressive.
Thanks for the read Aish.
"Demonic gingerbread
will bake in greedy
ovens."
This sounds a bit too cute to me and takes the edge off what is otherwise an intense poem.
"Lives disappear" was excellent in its concise and sinister effect, while this part:
"Triumphant
vandals
ransack and burn the soul of God."
while I think you don't need the adjective "triumphant", is beautifully angry and transgressive.
Thanks for the read Aish.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe