Burning

[Leanne]

Oh, I like "mourning mist", that's a lovely pun and it works beautifully. I would actually change very little here, but there are words and some entire lines I think you could do away with entirely to strengthen the poem -- I've italicised the bits I think you could take out.

The sun, unshadowed
blazing down rays of fire
Burning away
A mourning mist, of lost desire (you don't need the comma here)
Sweat beads down ,
like a trickling stream
cooling bones, of long lost dreams (you don't need the comma here)

Wind swept wisdom, warmth from afar
deserted thoughts, of long lost war (for meter, perhaps you could consider "barren thoughts")

Sands of serenity, too hot to lay
like burning needles, another day. (I really like the burning needles, but the rhyme here is very uncomfortable and it heads toward cliche -- instead of "another day", you could consider a word that picks up the rhyme from afar/war)

-ck-

I also think that the rhyme is very heavy-handed and the poem would be better served with more subtlety -- as the poem isn't in a structured set of stanzas, more casual rhymes will work fine as long as you keep a good meter. The meter here is forced and tends to shove the rhymes to the forefront, making them stand out awkwardly when they should really just help to drive the poem along.

This is definitely worth working on to draw out those tasty bits