This piece has a lot of heart in it... the language reads as very honest and earnest, and it works well. That last line summed it up beautifully. It needs a little touch-up with some misspelled words (change "lesson" to lessen", "sewed" to "sowed", etc) but that's just superficial and easily editable.
There are parts of the poem where you switch into a second person narrative: "Have you looked into the saddest...", "Knowing all you have learned...", etc. Personally i think it's better if you kept if first person: "Knowing all I have learned...", "Sometimes I have to busy my mind..." etc. Just a suggestion though.
Thanks for sharing this
There are parts of the poem where you switch into a second person narrative: "Have you looked into the saddest...", "Knowing all you have learned...", etc. Personally i think it's better if you kept if first person: "Knowing all I have learned...", "Sometimes I have to busy my mind..." etc. Just a suggestion though.
Thanks for sharing this
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?