08-19-2011, 02:51 PM
Hi, ck.
'burning needles' is a first class, concrete image. Perhaps you could develop that more, relying less on abstractions such as 'lost desire' and 'lost dreams'. The sun is very typically described as 'blazing'. It's not a bad description, but it has become mundane. Try using descriptions that capture the reader and say things in an unusual, poetic manner.
Thanks for the morsel
'burning needles' is a first class, concrete image. Perhaps you could develop that more, relying less on abstractions such as 'lost desire' and 'lost dreams'. The sun is very typically described as 'blazing'. It's not a bad description, but it has become mundane. Try using descriptions that capture the reader and say things in an unusual, poetic manner.
Thanks for the morsel
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?