Women

[billy]

sorry i'm late getting to this jack.

I marvel at how dignified the enjambment feels off
women are in suffering.
A second layer of lipstick, great image which work really well with 'in suffering' (i don't know why, it just does)
a martini to muster up is up needed? capital M in martini
the social graces mother spent
her adulthood teaching you.
i like the way the title is basic. i think it's perfect for the 1st verse, the use of the martini creates the best image for me.

As men surrender to the mad would madding work better?
excesses of the soul's decline,
their lady friends straighten is their needed?
their skirts, prepare the chicken,
beat the rugs, smile till would till work better on the next line?
the muscles ache.

Even my stepmother kept i like the dual meaning of this line. would a comma after stepmother intensify it?
her hair blonde, her legs well-trimmed,
the blush of her cheeks a decoration
and not a drunk's deformity.
I marvel at how dignified would a simple (i marvel) work better than the whole repetition.
women are in suffering.

my real not is the opening line, it feels like i'm left hanging unnecessarily
the only solution i can think of without changing the words and without making the first line too long would be;

I marvel
how dignified
women are in suffering.

just an idea for you to ponder.

the content i thought was excellent. i love the way you put an insight into play. and how it makes the reader say; yeah, i've noticed the very same thing. and it's done in an original way. jmo
thanks for the read as always.