Hi Jack,
I've given this one some thought, and I want to give you some comments on it:
I think the fact that you introduce Christie and Allingham and then move on to Chandler means you could and should cut line 2 (imo). I think being more subtle in that regard will help the poem. I love your title. I absolutely love these lines:
Once the English summers died
and all the genteel killers left
in paddy wagons down the lanes,
That first one especially is so good.
The only other call out from me is I'm not really fond of the last line. I don't think it says a whole lot and it doesn't have much impact.
Beyond those two issues, I really love the idea behind the poem and I think your phrasing and build up is very effective. Where you are good you are very good. Where (for me) it feels off it's more of a slight disappointment for what could be (I don't think my call outs are saying the poem is bad just that I think you have an opportunity to hit harder with it).
Well, take from that what you will Jack
Best,
Todd
I've given this one some thought, and I want to give you some comments on it:
I think the fact that you introduce Christie and Allingham and then move on to Chandler means you could and should cut line 2 (imo). I think being more subtle in that regard will help the poem. I love your title. I absolutely love these lines:
Once the English summers died
and all the genteel killers left
in paddy wagons down the lanes,
That first one especially is so good.
The only other call out from me is I'm not really fond of the last line. I don't think it says a whole lot and it doesn't have much impact.
Beyond those two issues, I really love the idea behind the poem and I think your phrasing and build up is very effective. Where you are good you are very good. Where (for me) it feels off it's more of a slight disappointment for what could be (I don't think my call outs are saying the poem is bad just that I think you have an opportunity to hit harder with it).
Well, take from that what you will Jack
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson