Doran (open door)

[addy]

This is superb... true it could be cleaned up with some edits but the core of it is strong and you've made excellent use of style to communicate meaning; the level of control in the narration is uniquely done. There's a robotic eloquence to it... in fact, there are many words and phrases here that work precisely because of the style, whereas in other poems I would've thought them over-elucidations and therefore unnecessary. It makes for a great pov and a great read.

Willingly, let me take you into a marital institution where man takes a woman and woman takes a man
There's an obsessive signifier at the front door sying wipe your dirt off before you enter that is the most hilarious description of a welcome mat I've ever seen
A media custom smile saying everything is fine and in control don't get the reference, but I like the big brother undertone and an empty bottle of tranquilizers embarrassing the bathroom floor
We enter the living room where everything is in it's masculine and feminine place great line
No sign of her mother's womb only an unconsciously designed grave
And the builders are laying the patio which the neighbours recommended I like that this implies a kind of uniformity in their social context (uniform houses alluding to uniform behaviors, which their peers can dictate); but imo the way it's phrased puts a wee bit too much focus on the act of building which I thought was beside the point
The music is switched on but long since ended Poignant metaphor. Just imo, it would be improved if you follow the standard progress of the poem which is like a robotic house tour (bathroom, living room, kitchen, dining room)... use something in the house to ground where the music is coming from. Just a small suggestion though
In the kitchen she was cutting the veg leaving a trace of a place in time, then they were lovers on the run 20 seconds into the pan then translucently burnt
She bought everything in his style, a kettle, a toaster, and four napkin ring holsters
We sit chronologically around the table excellent an A was for the intellectually disabled, but no one ever asked her what she thought
We ate without experiencing a profound gaze or a nourishing crumb excellent and aware of the monodic tone we leave in polite time
Where man takes a woman and woman takes a man, willingly nicely phrased double-meaning and clever loop back