08-16-2011, 11:26 AM
(08-10-2011, 02:46 AM)ICSoria Wrote: They drift on past the bourgeoisie, Is the comma needed?An enjoyable read. It reminds me of Jane Austen, Agatha Christie, Evelyn Waugh, and all those writers who so clearly evoked the priviliged classes as they engaged in their weird rituals. Thanks for the read, Soria.
kiss the host and bend the knee
to nonchalantly, make their presence known;
Chanel, Lancôme, designer pheromone
exuding from their silky napes.
Legitimized, respected drunks
showing off their social pedigrees
while all the twisted family histories, Is the comma needed? Here I would say it actually interferes with the grammar a bit.
lie folded, hidden, tucked away,
and locked in golden steamer trunks. Is "steamer" needed? "Golden trunks" I think would make for a more concise and impressive image.
I.C.Soria
©2011
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe