Women

[Todd]

Hi Jack,

A few comments for you:

I marvel at how dignified--in this instance at least I would consider pulling women are up to this line. You lose the surprise of the enjambment later. I know this would make L2 short
women are in suffering.
A second layer of lipstick,
a martini to muster up
the social graces mother spent--love these lines. It's like a sort of armor
her adulthood teaching you.--I don't think you need the you

As men surrender to the mad--might be stronger pulling excesses up to end this line
excesses of the soul's decline,
their lady friends straighten--great break. Love the enjambment and the use of straighten
their skirts, prepare the chicken,
beat the rugs, smile till
the muscles ache.--this feels like a previous generation to some extent but I love all those specific actions you chose

Even my stepmother kept
her hair blonde, her legs well trimmed,--do you need a hyphen between well and trimmed?
the blush of her cheeks a decoration
and not a drunk's deformity.--explains the earlier use of even...maybe simply though "her blush a decoration" I like the contrast with the drunk's deformity
I marvel at how dignified
women are in suffering.--this could just be me but I keep wanting you to mix this up rather than simple repetition. Maybe:

How dignified women are in suffering.
I marvel.

Or some variation. Maybe break on are Again, might just be me.

Enjoyable read. Just some thoughts

Best,

Todd