Eggshell Dance (Slight Revisons)

[ICSoria]

Eggshell Dance Revised:

She danced on eggshells at the edge
of veiled indifference, feigned exception -- the assonance of veiled/feigned works a treat here, and the soft c sounds throughout are understated but certainly tie this stanza together sonically
to his subtle lies and sophistry--
conspiratorial partners of deception, -- well, I like conspiratorial, it plays trippingly on the tongue and the consonance of the p sounds is a lovely partner to the soft sibilants

masked in clever conversations. -- now we start some harsh c/k sounds, so the mood turns from musing to accusing
She weighs the options, even while
he watches her and simply wonders
when she lost the enigmatic smile.

Sid, I really like this -- technique-wise I think you've done a wonderful job marrying up your word choice with the subject matter.

Whew!
Leanne, I admit, yours is the opinion I most worried about--no slight intended towards anyone else because everyone I have met here has his/her strong points. But, based on threads and posts I have read so far, when it comes to form and cadence, I consider you an expert. Thanks for the kind words, and for another lesson.

Sid