08-08-2011, 12:46 PM
You're not going to be happy with me... but I actually preferred your original version, it seemed more personality-laden, especially the second stanza's "It's crazy to think that cats can talk", which ties in perfectly with the tinfoil later on (since that's the headgear of choice for the well-dressed loony on the street). In fact, the only thing I would have changed in the first version (and in the second, since you've kept it) is removing the simile in "so that I can become like cigarette smoke", since "so that I can become cigarette smoke" seems much stronger to me.
It could be worse