08-07-2011, 08:47 AM
excellent edit todd.
removing the name works really well. and looking at it the she and her instead of they do work,
the last line works better for me as well.
as for it being "one of those flawed poems" i thought it was pretty good even before the edit
removing the name works really well. and looking at it the she and her instead of they do work,
the last line works better for me as well.
as for it being "one of those flawed poems" i thought it was pretty good even before the edit