Good and Evil

[Todd]

Hi Jack,

Here are some comments for you:

I used to think killers were
the most perplexing breed,
the equation most denied--I think for the purpose of the argumentation you need to link killers directly with evil even if just by adding of evil after equation
answers by our best scholars.--I think you could cut answers without losing much.
Evil is tedious, --This feels too abrupt for your tone. It feels like it needs a transitionary phrase. I also think pulling up a simple shell would make the line much stronger.
a simple shell bulging with lice,--I like this
repellent to behold,--you could if you like cut to behold and pull the next line up after repellent
and not worth our philosophy.

Madness can never be explained
except in terms which render it
an ailment beyond our grasp,
obscure yet solid as belief. --nice philosophical argumentation but seems a little flat in a poem. I would consider cutting this and stay with the killers. It's also possible that introducing madness excuses the culpability and makes it awful but not evil. If you keep this you need something like what we call madness to avoid the problem.

What really captivates the mind
are those the killers leave behind,
the mothers, sons, the lovers, friends,
they who keep pity alive.--jack admittingly this could just be me but i need more imagery from you interspaced between these statements. I need imagery or more specific examples to captivate my mind.

What does Light think
on meeting Dark?
Does the latter give his host
a morsel of his own being?--I like where your going here. I'm really interested in calling one a host for the other. I know there're two ways to take host here, but still it's interesting. I think you may want to run the poem through this personification. Lead with this, expand on it and blend the killer argumentation in.

I like to think the flames of good
can handle any bleak tempest,
and shining fierce in night's landscape
immortal wicks will always burn.--I don't know about this Jack. I have poems of my own that straddle preachy conclusions (this isn't as bad as some of them) my problem though is with the I like to think lead in. The poem needs to bring you further than I like to think. You need to make your case stronger so you can omit the clause

Just my thoughts Jack, use them as you like.

Best,

Todd