07-27-2011, 08:52 AM
I get a broken flow from it on the end of the third line, the forth feels like its continuing without a tiny break
its subtle but dosnt feel right. I tried it with this as the third line: "of a life so full and sweet" seems to play better in my mind, but I am far from an expert.
the last line confuses me. Was she the one that ended it or was he ? sounds like she choose to have him end it which I cant wrap my mind around... it is really good thanks for posting it.
its subtle but dosnt feel right. I tried it with this as the third line: "of a life so full and sweet" seems to play better in my mind, but I am far from an expert.
the last line confuses me. Was she the one that ended it or was he ? sounds like she choose to have him end it which I cant wrap my mind around... it is really good thanks for posting it.