The only shelter is my mind

[Todd]

Hi Craig,

I didn't see the earlier revision but let me give you some comments:

Something else to think about while we all get some line that we start writing from, it may not be the most interesting opening line. You want to draw the reader in which makes your first line very important. Looking at your first verse I might rearrange it this way for impact.

A wave of conformity swept across the nation
cant think of anything to believe in
I fear this days page in my journal will remain empty
it duck dived under me

The wave line is your strongest imo. You also could probably cut across if you wanted.

Just something to consider.

Best,

Todd

I fear this days page in my journal will remain empty
cant think of anything to believe in
A wave of conformity swept across the nation
it duck dived under me

My shelter cant weather this storm, I dont understand
the walls come crashing down where the sky erupted
as I lay beneath the rubble bruised but not beaten
I open my eyes and see a tarp above me

I think to myself, thank god.. No, I'm not homeless!
I cant comprehend why people think I should feel heartache
A long time ago, in my mind I built a fortress
it towers so high and the walls are strong to protect me

I live to appreciate the simple things in life
I dont need shiny things for comfort or security
welling away is the only thing you can do
as I retreat to my fortress.. nothing left to lose.