David, I am not upset by a contrary viewpoint -- I asked for clarification because I tend to expect that readers will have at least some of the same understanding about a poem as I do, and I do my best to put in enough keys to make that happen, so when it doesn't I want to know why. I would never ask anyone not to comment on my poems, and am really not as sensitive and precious about these things as you seem to believe.
As to the first line, in a terzanelle or any form with repeating lines, it's important that the refrains appear in the right order to begin with, so that they fit in with their position through the rest of the poem. That I do this relatively quickly is due to more than 20 years of practise, which doesn't mean it's easy and doesn't make mine better than anyone else's. However, altering "the" to "a" will not damage the poem in any way, so I'll do that now.
I will keep the "think me warm/buzzing rage" section as is though. It ties in with the insects, and "you stroke my skin" indicates that these are things he/she is feeling underneath his/her hand, emanating from within the I. "I feel" would be telling and cliched.
Just to reiterate, I do NOT simply want comments from people who agree with me. Disagreements are important in poetry, as long as you're prepared to have me disagree with some of your disagreements
As to the first line, in a terzanelle or any form with repeating lines, it's important that the refrains appear in the right order to begin with, so that they fit in with their position through the rest of the poem. That I do this relatively quickly is due to more than 20 years of practise, which doesn't mean it's easy and doesn't make mine better than anyone else's. However, altering "the" to "a" will not damage the poem in any way, so I'll do that now.
I will keep the "think me warm/buzzing rage" section as is though. It ties in with the insects, and "you stroke my skin" indicates that these are things he/she is feeling underneath his/her hand, emanating from within the I. "I feel" would be telling and cliched.
Just to reiterate, I do NOT simply want comments from people who agree with me. Disagreements are important in poetry, as long as you're prepared to have me disagree with some of your disagreements
It could be worse