07-25-2011, 08:39 PM
I can't find any fault with it. The flow has a slight imperfection here and there, but to me that only makes the poem better. Gives it more substance. The refrains are beautiful, classically poetic without seeming forced. I wish I could offer you some constructive critique (I did think of suggesting you switch "mine" and "all" around, but the meter works better as you've written it and it doesn't affect the syntax too much) but I can't. I love it. Thanks for the read.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe