07-25-2011, 12:14 PM
(07-25-2011, 12:07 PM)billy Wrote: its hard to explain.
imagine you're explaining your poem to a ten year old in a way that it can understand.
as it is the ten year old will be hard pressed to know what you're saying.
if you can write it out that way, you'll have a starting point.
better yet what were you trying to say in the 1st verse?
please don't be offended. i realize what you're thinking...i thought the same way at one time
someone eventually helped me to get out of that 1st stage of trying to hard to write poetry.
so, what did the 1st verse mean?
she was the third wheel so to speak,,, walking with a couple appearing as if she was out of place kind of keeping a little distance like she wanted to show that she was alone.... i was sitting on the sidewalk next to 711 drinking a coffee and smoking a cigarette, she looked at me and smiled with her eyes, which flattered me (im 42... she was perhaps 20ish.) She was wearing shorts and a t-shirt and had the most beautiful golden tan... i dont know if you ever looked at a girl and there was no dryness about her... its hard to explain. they went into the store and i lit up another cigarette waiting for them to come back outside.