07-24-2011, 11:00 PM
Hi Billy,
The meter didn't sound clunky to me. It sounded like iambs (though I may be off). In any event it sounded good. I love the how you blended fishing through the lines. You held this together with one solid image and clean execution. Satisfying read.
My favorite line in it was: "and with a tug of line coerce;" It plays so well off of both refrains.
Best,
Todd
The meter didn't sound clunky to me. It sounded like iambs (though I may be off). In any event it sounded good. I love the how you blended fishing through the lines. You held this together with one solid image and clean execution. Satisfying read.
My favorite line in it was: "and with a tug of line coerce;" It plays so well off of both refrains.
Best,
Todd
The secret of poetry is cruelty.--Jon Anderson