Stone (a terzanelle)

[critical mass]

for some reason a villanelle didn't seem enough of a torture for me yesterday

You wrote this in 1 day. I'm jealous.
Sometimes I work on 1 stanza or 1 line a day..
Better keep my day job.


Really like this. A lot to digest.
Form is hard for me, for me.

I copied and pasted, will give some fuzz later.

David

---

Leanne.

Got this quote on line.

The terzanelle is a good form
for the recovering obsessive-compulsive
who has been able to put down the villanelle
without hurting themselves


Hhhmmmmmm.

Here's my fuzz on this.


I am the peach, with poison seed.

This line stopped me. I wondered
if there was a peach that didn't have a poison seed.
I think inside/beneath a stone/pit /and peach would work better
in the title. Rewriting the first line to not describe
what the poem is about may work on another level also.


You stroke my skin and think me warm --
I’m death to every mouth I feed.

Beneath the surface, insects swarm
*****this is third person I think.(my)

you stroke my skin and think me warm

but what you feel is buzzing rage
***** what (I) feel. Not sure here if you are eluding to the cyanide
feeling or the opening of the pit. It does work tho.

that stings me as I cry, I cry
and seek to break this fleshy cage.

Inside the seed is dry, so dry,
and cold enough to numb the thought
that stings me as I cry. I cry

****liked this reminds ..me of dry ice. Maybe that's how cyanide feels.

for summers buried, children caught
with icecream dreams, remembered sweets
and cold -- enough to numb the thought.

****This stanza really sticks out. It's my favorite. Very poetic.

A last embrace for he who eats:
I am the peach, with poison seed,
with icecream dreams, remembered sweets,
I’m death to every mouth I feed.

Like I said earlier. I liked this a lot.
I think the third person to first person jump is slightly jarring
but these things read so quickly it's hard to pick up
on it unless you read it several times. jmo

I've wanted to try these things but I haven't written
a mediocre vilanelle yet.


Thanks for the read.

David