07-23-2011, 03:24 PM
for me the whole poem is in the 3rd verse. i like the 1st verse but for me it adds little and says too much,
the 2nd verse feels as though it's trying much to hard to be poetic and ends up a bit fawny and a little cheesy. the last verse, again i like it but it's presence takes something from that 3rd verse. which i think is superb. the 3rd verse for me is worthy of publishing.
wish i could be more line by line jack
thanks for the read.
the 2nd verse feels as though it's trying much to hard to be poetic and ends up a bit fawny and a little cheesy. the last verse, again i like it but it's presence takes something from that 3rd verse. which i think is superb. the 3rd verse for me is worthy of publishing.
wish i could be more line by line jack
thanks for the read.