The Storm (2nd Revision)

[billy]

brave edit and much better from my pov. heres a couple more ideas
(First revision)

Black rain washed over weathered pavement
into the drain like shadowy tendrils reaching out..would it read better as 'into the drain, shadowy tendrils reaching out..' which makes it an image

Clouds bled with a crimson sigh, is with needed?
wounded by rays reaching down like search beacons..

Fleeting warmth drifted away with the winds,
leaving me cold, wet and alone,
in the fold of destiny.

~ck~

exponentially better ck. it's more compact yet feels like it's say a lot more. bravo. jmo