07-22-2011, 12:28 PM
Love "pyroglyphics" 
You could do with maybe an em-dash in the first line of your third stanza:
walk through my mind -- the silence is deafening
you don't really need both "reverberate" and "echoes", since they're saying much the same thing
Nice start though, welcome!
You could do with maybe an em-dash in the first line of your third stanza:
walk through my mind -- the silence is deafening
you don't really need both "reverberate" and "echoes", since they're saying much the same thing
Nice start though, welcome!
It could be worse