The Catharsis of Rage
#5
'Tis not so much form, as style. I always think that if it can be made metric in some way, it's lots prettier Smile Long lines are underused, in my opinion, as they soften the meter/rhyme chiming effect.

(07-22-2011, 01:57 AM)Heslopian Wrote:  I am Evil. Hurling from the dawn of man my arrowheads, my blunted knives,
my early years my dark excuse, I wallow, bathe in misery;
I've built my spa with stolen bones; your graves lie empty as old shoes.
To rage and scream on grassy hills, to bellow at the awkward sky,
a pickled fetus, stillborn, blue, is what sustains my dying soul,
that withers from the love of those who seek to cure my ailing heart,
to cover it in bandages, play rainbows on eternal loop.
Something along those lines? Apart from the first line, which starts with an anapaest, the whole thing is iambic octameter now.
It could be worse
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Messages In This Thread
The Catharsis of Rage - by heslopian - 07-22-2011, 01:57 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by Leanne - 07-22-2011, 05:10 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by heslopian - 07-22-2011, 06:35 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by addy - 07-22-2011, 09:16 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by Leanne - 07-22-2011, 09:16 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by heslopian - 07-22-2011, 09:18 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by Leanne - 07-22-2011, 09:21 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by heslopian - 07-22-2011, 09:43 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by Leanne - 07-22-2011, 09:53 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by heslopian - 07-22-2011, 09:57 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by billy - 07-22-2011, 10:08 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by heslopian - 07-22-2011, 10:09 AM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by critical mass - 07-22-2011, 01:15 PM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by heslopian - 07-22-2011, 01:30 PM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by ckeo - 07-22-2011, 01:37 PM
RE: The Catharsis of Rage - by heslopian - 07-22-2011, 02:21 PM



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