07-19-2011, 09:54 AM
first off you hit the form spot on. (i think you can have any meter)
the end rimes are just right
love the first line; should it be obtuse?
does it need a comma after inside? L, 6.
the image the the 1st, 2nd, 7th, and 8th lines portray are for me an excellent one.
not sure the 'by' in L, 5. works for me; would And help.
nicely done jack
the end rimes are just right
love the first line; should it be obtuse?
does it need a comma after inside? L, 6.
the image the the 1st, 2nd, 7th, and 8th lines portray are for me an excellent one.
not sure the 'by' in L, 5. works for me; would And help.
nicely done jack