Vika, I like what you're saying here, the birdsong motif is particularly poignant.
One thing to consider is where you place your line breaks. Your lines all seem to begin with prepositions/conjunctions and this tends to break the natural flow of the words -- you could try breaking in different places, or alternatively, you could probably cut a fair few of those little words altogether.
One thing to consider is where you place your line breaks. Your lines all seem to begin with prepositions/conjunctions and this tends to break the natural flow of the words -- you could try breaking in different places, or alternatively, you could probably cut a fair few of those little words altogether.
It could be worse