07-10-2011, 03:19 PM
hi vika, thanks for your first poem.
always best to start in the mild crit forum.
the poem to me isn't about a partner but maybe a parent or sibling.
one thing to watch out for are words used more than once, specially words like beauty, all words in general should be used sparingly so as not to create repetition. normally in this forum we try and show a couple of things that may help, my second thing is imagery,
this simile;
Like black silk over
A gypsy's shew stone
is a good image, i'd love to see more imagery included in some of the narrative, at least one per verse. the two lines above were my favourite because of the imagery they hold. jmo.
thanks for the read and for posting your first poem
always best to start in the mild crit forum.
the poem to me isn't about a partner but maybe a parent or sibling.
one thing to watch out for are words used more than once, specially words like beauty, all words in general should be used sparingly so as not to create repetition. normally in this forum we try and show a couple of things that may help, my second thing is imagery,
this simile;
Like black silk over
A gypsy's shew stone
is a good image, i'd love to see more imagery included in some of the narrative, at least one per verse. the two lines above were my favourite because of the imagery they hold. jmo.
thanks for the read and for posting your first poem