Melancholia

[addy]

Gorgeous stuff... it's a great philosophical piece that doesn't call attention to the fact. This is quite sophisticated work. Very well done.

the light at the centre of the apple
can be gleamed from the eyes of a Jew
as he watches a door close behind his parents,
remembers leaves, remembers fruits,
swelling love the word choice in the back garden
while summer licks his fingertips. This part is gorgeous, it's so full. It conjures up a reenactment of the garden of eden, and banishment with the door closing (I'm assuming that's what you were going for, but anyway it reads like that to me )

memories and endless night
mixing in the same paint pot,
until a colour unseen by this is all beautiful
all artists up until this point the phrasing tripped me up a little here
begs to adorn the canvas.

such a useless, grim landscape,
surrounded by thousands of lights I love how you turned an image like "thousands of lights" on it's head, using it in the negative context of dead space
in an empty gallery. we are all that ever was,
and anything will ever be. this seems grammatically incorrect? needs "that" after and, though I understand that would bother the rhythm

six billion minds heading for bed
once the furnaces are cleaned,
the battlefields swept and the slaughterhouse washed,
prepared for use by those awaking. i really liked the grimness of this, the juxtaposition of battlefields and slaughterhouses with the living/awaking