07-09-2011, 08:53 AM
This is excellent stuff.. that second stanza, especially, is a stand-out original. If I had to pick out a nit; for me, that opening "melancholic wondering..." didn't add much to the poem content-wise (structure-wise it works) and just seems like a bland placeholder... as an intro it doesn't do the piece justice. Just imo though.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?