02-11-2010, 03:55 PM
Hi Larry. Again, a lovely poem you have so far 
My main criticism would be that the first and second stanzas don't gel well together. There's a disconnect there in the story, like there's something you found fascinating about the woman in the street but it has little to do with the elms and your winter musings from before. If you're going to rework this piece (try not to abandon it, even just one line could serve as inspiration for something new), maybe you could write two separate poems from it. It's just a thought.
Not only are you talented for your age, you've also got a great attitude about reworking your poems. Keep up the good work!
My main criticism would be that the first and second stanzas don't gel well together. There's a disconnect there in the story, like there's something you found fascinating about the woman in the street but it has little to do with the elms and your winter musings from before. If you're going to rework this piece (try not to abandon it, even just one line could serve as inspiration for something new), maybe you could write two separate poems from it. It's just a thought.
Not only are you talented for your age, you've also got a great attitude about reworking your poems. Keep up the good work!
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?