07-08-2011, 11:34 AM
Thank you both!
I removed 'and' from the 2nd line in S2. I left the ellipses, but I am pondering their effectiveness, especially since you both brought them up. When I wrote it I was thinking of the languid pause they evoke.
"Still" in S4 is meant to convey a continuation. I shall come back and read through again, to see how I like/dislike it with and without.
Billy, post apocalyptic works for me, on many levels. You saying it made me smile.
As far as antediluvian, I was thinking "pre-flood" as well as "antiquated" and in my head the calm worked.
I need to step back and see how effective this piece is. It is quite personal for me, but I do not want that to compromise how it translates for the reader. I appreciate every single thing you both have said, thank you!
I removed 'and' from the 2nd line in S2. I left the ellipses, but I am pondering their effectiveness, especially since you both brought them up. When I wrote it I was thinking of the languid pause they evoke.
"Still" in S4 is meant to convey a continuation. I shall come back and read through again, to see how I like/dislike it with and without.
Billy, post apocalyptic works for me, on many levels. You saying it made me smile.
As far as antediluvian, I was thinking "pre-flood" as well as "antiquated" and in my head the calm worked.
I need to step back and see how effective this piece is. It is quite personal for me, but I do not want that to compromise how it translates for the reader. I appreciate every single thing you both have said, thank you!
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?