02-11-2010, 12:56 PM
Ok, so this is only half of a new poem that I made. I need to write the rest later...
Anywho, it uses mostly slant rhyme, but as of right now I am fairly unsatisfied with it, and would love some criticism. Thanks!
______________________________
The winter wraps the city elms
In coats of crystal wool.
Much like a mother making sure
Her children will be warm.
And in the moonlights opal ode
I am a poet’s word-
That’s etched upon the silent snow,
Within a winter storm.
A woman walks across the street,
And slowly turns her head.
She kicks up dust beneath her feet,
That floats this way, and that.
The powder settles on the path,
I shoveled out before
I watch her waltz into the black,
And shovel it once more.
Anywho, it uses mostly slant rhyme, but as of right now I am fairly unsatisfied with it, and would love some criticism. Thanks!
______________________________
The winter wraps the city elms
In coats of crystal wool.
Much like a mother making sure
Her children will be warm.
And in the moonlights opal ode
I am a poet’s word-
That’s etched upon the silent snow,
Within a winter storm.
A woman walks across the street,
And slowly turns her head.
She kicks up dust beneath her feet,
That floats this way, and that.
The powder settles on the path,
I shoveled out before
I watch her waltz into the black,
And shovel it once more.