Breakout

[billy]

I want to use headstone as an adjective there, "headstone heavy" -- I thought about breaking after "he is" but it doesn't look right, and I like the ambiguity that the line break gives now. Having said that, if it's confusing rather than just ambiguous I should probably do something about it. Does that make sense?

Many thanks Billy. Knowing what works is just as important as knowing what doesn't, so I certainly don't mind detailed positives

yes it does.
it isn't ambiguous, it's a nit, for me nits can found because the reader IS the problem. it's just what it feels to me....all or most others will see it as you meant it, i actually see it as you meant it as well. it just tugs at me a little is all