07-05-2011, 10:43 AM
You were very helpful
I think I may delete the brackets from the second verse.
We've talked about my use of the word "my" before a relation or friend in the past; to me not having it sounds too upper class, like saying "mummy" and "daddy" (or "nana"
).
Do you think the poem could work with both those last stanzas?
Thanks for your feedback and kind words And yes, the underclass are the white whale.
I think I may delete the brackets from the second verse.We've talked about my use of the word "my" before a relation or friend in the past; to me not having it sounds too upper class, like saying "mummy" and "daddy" (or "nana"
). Do you think the poem could work with both those last stanzas?
Thanks for your feedback and kind words
And yes, the underclass are the white whale.
"We believe that we invent symbols. The truth is that they invent us; we are their creatures, shaped by their hard, defining edges." - Gene Wolfe