"A luxury."
#7
(06-27-2011, 04:20 PM)Ris Yerg Wrote:  A heaven road's covered
With the earthly dust.
My bare foot' prints
On the deserted road
Stain with boiling blood,
Despair and pain.
A loincloth and a yellow
Skull of the unknown saint
Are my the only possessions.
I have never liked the luxury.
Why do I need this shabby rag?
Hello!
I think 'the' in L2 interrupts your rhythm a bit, as does 'the' in L9.

I like the mysterious nature you have created.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?
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Messages In This Thread
"A luxury." - by Ris Yerg - 06-27-2011, 04:20 PM
RE: "A luxury." - by critical mass - 06-28-2011, 12:17 AM
RE: "A luxury." - by Ris Yerg - 06-28-2011, 01:03 AM
RE: "A luxury." - by Leanne - 06-28-2011, 05:35 AM
RE: "A luxury." - by billy - 06-28-2011, 10:20 AM
RE: "A luxury." - by Ris Yerg - 06-28-2011, 07:59 PM
RE: "A luxury." - by Aish - 07-04-2011, 06:56 PM



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