07-04-2011, 06:56 PM
(06-27-2011, 04:20 PM)Ris Yerg Wrote: A heaven road's coveredHello!
With the earthly dust.
My bare foot' prints
On the deserted road
Stain with boiling blood,
Despair and pain.
A loincloth and a yellow
Skull of the unknown saint
Are my the only possessions.
I have never liked the luxury.
Why do I need this shabby rag?
I think 'the' in L2 interrupts your rhythm a bit, as does 'the' in L9.
I like the mysterious nature you have created.
PS. If you can, try your hand at giving some of the others a bit of feedback. If you already have, thanks, can you do some more?

