Stitches

[billy]

I have learned to hear farther
than abrasive tongues
and vulgarity,
from out deep, agonized mumbles. i stumbled a little with 'from outdeep',

As a soul readjusts,
pushes boundries,
becomes calm.

Sometimes the sun,
reckless,
chews before digestion.

Fallen
hands never idle,
overworked and asunder
made. is this line needed?

The beauty beneath 'beauty' feels too vague could an image be used instead?
proliferates
and shines.

My demon lover,
torn apart this line make me think of the 'asunder'
and reassembled.
Satin stitches
adorn a growling brow.

high aish, good to see you broke ground with us.

i like the last verse most of all. mainly because it has a couple of good images. apart from the one place i mentioned, it flowed well. it lacks cliché which is good. the last two lines are a perfect finale to the rebuild of the 3 previous lines.
i like the use of fallen idle which make me think of fallen idol which tie in with the last verse.
i think it show some creativity in the writing of it. hope tp see some more of you stuff. (jmo)

thanks for the read